December Finally!

How did the time go by so fast? Didn't I just move here, to the big city and bright lights of LA? Wasn't it just September not so long ago?

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!

And just for the fun of it........




Now that I got that out of my system.......I really do love this Season. I wish it was a little bit colder, so that it would truly feel like Christmas. It's hard to get into the swing of things when it is 75 degrees outside. I want to get bundled up in my sweaters, jackets, scarves and gloves. I want to go outside and see my breath on the air. Yes....I do complain when it's cold. But deep down, I totally love it. I've never really had a true White Christmas. I think it would be awesome. Of course, it will NEVER happen in LA or even at home. The closest I think I will come to it is when I go home and it frosts overnight.

Which totally happened. Over Thanksgiving. At Kara's house. And it WAS. AWESOME!


Me and My mom at the local Arroyo Grande Christmas Parade 2010. It's quite the Whos Who of the town. Note...we are quite bundled in our pea coats and scarfs..

That makes me want to get some hot cocoa, or a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate from Starbucks (it's amazing...go try it. Seriously. What are you waiting for? This blog will be here when you get back)

But alas, as the holidays come closer, flu season starts again as well. And being at home, around children and whatnot, I caught my first cold of the season. Actually it was my first cold in over a year. I didn't really remember what it felt like, until I woke up Tuesday morning and my throat was ON FIRE. My head felt like a balloon on a string and I knew a cough was coming. So I rushed out to Rite Aid and picked up DayQuil/NightQuil, cough drops/throat lozenges and Gatorade and proceeded to veg all day. I had a photo shoot Tues night and I was DREADING it. Normally, I LOVE my job. I love doing makeup, I will do it anytime, any place, any hour of the day. It gives me joy to make people look as amazing on the outside as the do on the inside. And that feeling was still there Tuesday night, unfortunately, it was under the sickness I felt. But I persevered, throat lozenge firmly in place while I worked. And I made those girls look BEAUTIFUL. AS usual.. (pat myself on the back for a nice job well done)

I am so looking forward to this weekend! I have Kandee Johnson's Glaminar on Sunday. It is her very last one, EVER, and it is going to be amazing. I am so excited to learn from her, to meet her and to meet others like myself who are going to so we can enrich ourselves. Not just by learning insider tricks, but also by learning how to be the best US we can be. You should all check her out. Click on the links below to go to her websites/blog/youtube channel

www.kandeeland.com
www.kandeej.com
www.youtube.com/kandeejohnson
www.glaminar.com

Just try one of them out.I promise you won't regret it.

Anyway, that is Sunday and it is gonna be ALL DAY. Like 10 hours or something. I was worried about being gone from Max and Tucker with no way for them to get outside to do "their business" but my Uncle Frank said he would stop by in the middle of the day to let them out. And honestly, I'm not too worried about them. They go ALL NIGHT, over 12 hours sometimes without relieving themselves. They might be UBER bored while I am gone, but I think they will be fine. It's one of the rare times I wished I had roommates though. But oh well, I'm not gonna stress over something stupid like that.

Don't be sad Tucker...you will survive :)





I have some pictures to post below. Just of whats been going on with me and some stuff I have managed to remember to take photos of. That's the worst for me. My real camera has a battery of like 30 seconds so I am forced to result to my phone for pictures. I'm sorry about the quality people!

I did this


to earn this


TA DA!!! After only barrel racing for 1 season, I still nabbed myself a buckle.

I worked on a sexy photo shoot with the fabulous photographer Bea Lamar
http://www.studiostremy.com/

and this is a shot they were working on:


I hope the beginning of December finds everyone in great spirits and great frame of mind. This is the season of giving, of being thankful and of remembering all of our blessings. Even if times are difficult, if you feel awful because of some nasty flu bug, or if car accidents and insurance deductibles are piling up, find something to be grateful for. Each of us have many blessings and it is up to us to determine whether we focus on those positives or the negatives.

Choose positivity! I do!

Xoxo,

Amy

Holy Moly Guacamole

I got in a car accident! AGHHHH!!!





Oh man, it was bound to happen sooner or later I suppose. I was headed to Beverly Hills to work on a photo shoot when it occurred. I'm not going to get into details, because insurance has to work itself out. I can say however that my car has $6500 in damages!! I LOVE State Farm and my local Agent Machelle in the Arroyo Grande office. She is totally working for me and helping me through this process. Other than the accident I had when I was 19 in my "Exploder" when it flipped and rolled, this is the worst. And of course, it happened right before the holidays. Right before I was about to shop and go bananas on Black Friday. (It may be a slim Christmas this year folks!) But I am trying to think that these things happen for a reason. There is much to be grateful about:

1.) No one was hurt
2.) My dogs were not in the car
3.) Both the other driver and I drive the best, safest cars ever....JETTAS.

It's frustrating and it's hard to deal with everything and everyone. But sometimes this happens. Sometimes life T-Bones us and knocks us down. But we brush ourselves off, assess what damage has happened and keep moving forward. We make sure there isn't anyone in our collateral damage, we smile in the face of adversity and continue on with our lives.

On the makeup front, I've been doing some RAD stuff lately. Been working with a few different photographers, and I did a red carpet event last week and got to meet some VERY cool people! Models, makeup artists, stylists and more. It's been so cool meeting and mingling with such different and varied groups of people. Below are a few of the female models I did makeup for. Unfortunately, I didn't get ANY pics with the male models. WHAT WAS I THINKING? (kicking myself!)



Here are the two designers/CEO of the brand, H.Hess. They make RAD jackets and scarf/tie combination called "Skie".


Ely Beckman Soledad
Austin Stephan Hess (designer)


These jackets are so awesome. If you know of any men (or women if that's your thing) who loves sport coats and blazers, these are AMAZING quality work. I recommend checking them out at www.HHess.us

After the event last Thursday night, I woke up bright and early for a photo shoot with the photographer Robert Wilde and the model Maria Ivanova. And of course, my new best friend, Daniel Graves...hairstylist extraordinaire.



After the photo shoot I shot back up to Arroyo Grande for some much needed riding time and seeing my parents. I really miss my horse, we went for an AMAZING trail ride on Sunday with Kara. We just got to really let loose and go for miles. Feeling the speed of my horse combined with the wind in my hair and my eyes watering from the sting of the air, I JUST miss doing that so much. But Daisy is really happy up north. She's got herself a MAN! How could I deprive her of that?



So yesterday was the EVENT with the car, but I eventually made it to the shoot with Robert and Daniel again. There was a cool model named Heather we were working with, she kinda looked like a combination of Ashley Greene and Angelina Jolie. She was/is very pretty and I am excited to see the professional photos. We went down to Venice Beach, where it was my first time being down there. I wish I had had more time and energy to walk around and check things out. But I was working, and add to the fact that I had a lot on my mind (what with the car accident and all) I just wanted to get home and take care of the many hours of phone calls that was necessary. I just needed to VEG too. Let my mind go, have a glass of wine and RELAX. Which is what I did.


Taken with my Droid


All in all it has been QUITE an eventful week. But other than the car accident, I wouldn't change a thing! I love my life, I love meeting all these amazing people down here. I love doing "stuff" and just being me.

Wishing you all the best in your own personal journeys. Sending good thoughts your way!!

XOXO,

Amy

It's been far too long

Since I have written a blog!

I apologize for my lapse in time in writing. There has been so much going on that I just have not gotten to this.

Can you believe it is already November? Holy crap, where did the time fly by? I've been living down here for a month already and it is going fantastic. I now am out here in LA doing the hustle, looking for work and trying to pin down jobs. I am talented at makeup, I've got the confidence, but there are many out here that are just as good as me. I'm not sure exactly where I will go with makeup but I am confident that I will go wherever I am destined to. I believe that life has a purpose for everything. I believe we attract to us what we get. If you say " my life sucks, bad things always happen to me." or " do you think I want bad things to happen?" my answer to you is YES! I do think you want those things. You are thinking "oh man, my life is just so hard and it's not getting easier." Well ladies and gentlemen, unless you consciously decide that you want better for yourself, life's not going to get better. I think we all deserve to be great, to have great things. I hope everyone can get what they want in this life.

Now...onto some pictures. I don't have a great camera anymore (hint hint for XMAS) so a lot of these are taken with my phone.

Halloween Costume Numero Uno:


I was a hippy at a party I went to that my friend Colette invited me to. I felt like I was at a "Sony" party because EVERYONE at this party worked for Sony studios!

Numero Dos:


I originally was trying for a Housewife from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" but by the end of the night, I looked more like a TRANNY than a housewife! (Sorry this picture is so small!)

What can I say? Last night was EPIC. Kayla and I met my friend Justine down in West Hollywood for this HUGE event they had. Literally like a mile of Santa Monica Boulevard was shut down. The news estimated that there were 500,000 people there. All in costumes. There were helicopters flying over head, different stages where things were going on. People selling food, drinks, etc. It was FANTASTIC. Kayla and I walked over a mile to get to where Justine was. Justine was at this stage where the gay guy from Sex and the City (Anthony, Charlotte's Gay Best Friend) was ont he stage and people just got to up in groups and DANCE. He would make snarky comments but it was fantastic. Justine and a few other girls go up and danced their faces off and I took pictures. I don't have the moves these girls have so I just watched. So then we went down the way a bit to where The Rocky Horror Picture Show was playing on a huge movie screen. Turns out we got there JUST IN TIME to do the Time Warp Dance. A man from the Guinness Book of World Records was there to do the largest ever time warp dance that was being coordinated on 5 different stages along the SM Boulevard. It was awesome. I haven't done that dance or seen that movie in forever but we all decided we are most definitely going to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror soon!

After we finished up there we started walking the long walk back to the car when this guy with a boom box and a few posse members were dancing down the street. So we decided to follow them! We just got behind him in an informal conga line and just started grooving and dancing out way. We were all singing and dancing and more and more people started getting behind us! It got HUGE. People were video taping us as we walked by, taking our pictures and cheering. It was AWESOME! We must have gone over a mile with this huge crowd of dancing, singing, costumed, happy group. The vibe was so awesome. Kayla took pictures so I will be posting them soon to the blog as well as my facebook.

I have just been having such an amazing time down here. I can't describe how much better I feel. I feel like life is SO amazing and there is so much fun to be had. I love home, but LA has so many things that Arroyo Grande and San Luis Obispo will NEVER have. The experiences I am having down here are amazing. I made the best decision moving here. Life has so much waiting for me. I'm ready to experience it all!!

XOXO,

Amy

My makeup photos are here!!

Oh man, it feels like it's been FOREVER since my last post. It's almost a little overwhelming to start this blog, I have no idea where to begin.

So I went on my first hike up in the Santa Monica Mountains with Stephanie on Tuesday of last week. A week ago? It's already been a week? It literally feels like I just went on that hike with her. Anyway, we hiked up there and I decided I wanted to feel it out and brought Tucker and Max along. It didnt' really feel THAT hot, but when we got to the parking space the car read 76 degrees. Still not super hot. And the trail was pretty mellow, it was more of a steady incline versus straight up. Think more along the lines of Madonna mountain versus Bishops peak. There was a trail that Stephanie took that veered off on a steeper incline. I am going to tackle that trail next time we go out, but because I had Tucker I decided that I wanted to just take the gradual one. Well needless to say, even with 2 water bottles, Tucker overheated. I actually worried that I had pushed him too far and that I might have serious overheating issues. He was just so hot and he laid down every time I stopped for water. Before I go any further, REST ASSURED: Tucker survived and is doing fine. No long term damage. Just a lesson learned on what he can and cannot do.

Here is Tucker and Max on the way down from our hike.


Needless to say, I had 1 very exhausted bulldog when I got back to my house!


And just for your enjoyment and entertainment, I am posting a video of Tucker doing his basketball routine. This is at the end of his play time, so he isn't as active with it. I totally forget to video it because I'm too busy laughing!





I got back all of my prints from Makeup School. I am posting three below here. The rest will be on a Facebook page called Makeup Artistry by Amy. I would really appreciate if you could all go to that page and "Like" it and become fans. The more I work, the more photos will go up. But I am extremely confident in what I have been taught and anyone out there who refers me to a booking client, I will do a complimentary look on you. For any of you brides out there, book now for your weddings! My whole portfolio will be on the page Makeup Artistry by Amy for you to look at. I will send you all a link once the page is up and running. But right now, Makeup Artistry by Amy on Facebook is still under construction. Check back soon. Or I will find you.....

Here are just a few looks:

(This girl is the salt to my pepper lol. She knows who she is)


And:


My personal Favorite:


(Another note: the quality of these pictures are not as good as the quality of the portfolio pictures. I took a picture of the picture with my Droid. Hence quality. But once I figure out how to reduce the size of the scanned photos, I will be posting them on facebook for you all to wonder and marvel over.)


I did go home on Sunday to the 805 area code. I didn't make a HUGE deal out of it other than the 1 post on facebook, because I went home to ride my horse. Yes, it was stormy and yes I was irritated, but I rode regardless. I got some good rides in and I really miss my Daisy. And it's embarrassing to admit, but my butt bones were sore! The bones and muscles that have been cultivated over the years, with 3 weeks of not riding....yup, they were sore! But I don't care, any pain is worth it for my girl.

It was great to see my Mommy and Randy, as well as visit with my girls Kara and Jenae. I will come home over Thanksgiving and XMAS, for all those who want to visit. And this blog is pretty much summarizing everything that is going on down here. So you didn't miss much, other than a HUG!!!

I'm very excited that Shante is visiting me on Thursday for a few days and Vinny is supposed to be coming Sunday as well. I'm so happy to see my friends! I have missed them all very much and I am very excited to go and do "stuff" with them.

Anyway, I hope you all are having a fantastic week. We are closing in on the holiday season. Christmas is my FAVORITE time of the year. I'm very excited. Keep your attitude positive, your spirits high, and remember that you are all amazing individuals. Life can try and get you down, but the only think you can control in this world is your reactions to the happy and sad moments. Choose to be happy, make the effort, and you will begin to notice a change in who you are. Others will notice as well!

Much love to you all from El Lay,

Amy

What an AMAZING weekend with Great Friends!

Hi All,

I hope this blog finds all of you happy and healthy. Just wanted to quickly update you on whats been going on with me the last few days.

I got a new phone Wednesday, the Droid 2 or X or whatever it's called. It is super cool and it has an amazing camera with good quality pictures so I have been trying to figure out how to use it and take photos. I've got some good ones on here.

I spent some time with my friend Gio this weekend and I really have missed her a lot. I mean, I feel connected to everyone over Facebook but there is nothing like girl time to make a girl feel like her old self. I even was able to do her makeup. I took "Before" and "After" photos. I am going to be creating an album on my Facebook page of before and after shots. Just a quick shoutout: Gio, I love you girl and I love the time we get to spend together. I am so glad we are close to each other in distance. Next time I get to come see your house!

I also spent time with Stephanie. She has really been a lifesaver to me. It's nice to have someone who lives close to you and who has similar interests. She's a great girl and I am so glad to be her friend. It really was fate that her and I met at Hollywood Paws. I am grateful to that place for bringing her into my life. She has turned into such an amazing friend to me.

Stephanie and I had our first Celebrity Sighting this weekend. Ok, well my first celebrity sighting since I have lived here! It was John C. Reilly and it was crazy. I honestly didn't' even see him till Steph pointed him out. We were at this cute little wine bar (reminded me so much of Gather in AG village) called Bites. He was sitting there with crazy red hair and had a group of 3 women at his table. He's a ladies man! It was such a low key restaurant, that even though I REALLY wanted to go up and get my picture with him, Stephanie and I both felt that he was probably just trying to have a low key dinner and remain incognito. So we didn't bug him. Though Steph bet me $10 to go over and say "BOATS AND HOES" really loud. (That's a Stepbrothers movie quote) For those of you who don't know John C. Reilly, here is his picture


And Talladega Nights

He was also in movies such as The Vampire's Assistant, Chicago and lots more!

Last night, Stephanie also accompanied me to a party at my Uncle Frank's Elks Lodge. It was monster themed (actually True Blood was the theme) and I decided to try out a vampire look on myself. Here is what I came up with


And Stephanie and I


"Blood Bags" (Vodka and Cranberry)


I was going for Vampire and I even had fangs to put in, but the instructions freaked me out so I decided not to do it. (It said if you put the fangs in wrong, the fangs could stay in for an extended period of time. So no thank you to those!) If some of you think I look like a Mime, you have a valid point and will hear no arguments from me. But I was pretty pleased with it. Yes, I should have airbrushed my chest and my arms, but I was just experimenting. So please no negative comments. Thank you!


Channeling Lady Gaga while out shopping with Gio on Friday night:


Scared? You should be. Don't make me angry. You don't wanna make me angry!!


*Playing Mario Brothers theme Song*
Anyway, this was my weekend.

I am in such a good place right now mentally and emotionally. I love AG but I felt like I was growing out of that town. I am 25 and single and love this point in my life. I feel young and alive and like my life is just beginning! I want to experience so much and this is the way to do it. I am out there living life and I hope that you all are exactly where you want to be with your lives. I've said it before and I'll say it again, NO REGRETS! Life is what we make of it. Make the choice to be happy. If you consciously decide to be happy, you can be sure that happiness is what you will get. It's the Law of Attraction. You get what you ask for. So if you are negative, you can expect negative things, negative experience, and negative people to follow you. If you are happy, then happiness, joy, and positivity will arise out of every thing you do.

So make today a great one. Just because today is Monday doesn't mean it has to be bad. Make it a Marvelous Monday.

Much love to you all,

Amy

Life Lessons on a Rainy Day

I love these rainy days so much more than the 110 degree days!

I used to feel really guilty at home when it would rain. I used to hate it and wish it would go away fast. I know we NEED the rain, I know CA is in a drought and this is necessary. But I used to hate it. Sorry, I'm not gonna lie.

Why did I hate it so much you ask? Because of Daisy. I felt guilty not riding her everyday as it was. When it would rain and I COULDN'T ride, I would just sit inside at home and feel sad that my horse was stuck in her muddy, cold pen. Or I would go out and feel crappy that I was outside in the cold muddy pen, but at least Daisy and I could commiserate together.

BUT NOW...............



Daisy is on a five acre property with my friend Kara. No one knows exactly where except me and Kara and I like it that way. There are certain people out there who do not need to know where my girl (and my trailer) is. But I am confident and I know that Daisy is happy. She couldn't be with a better horsewoman, and Kara is one of my best friends so I feel so good about Daisy's new (temporary) home.

Daisy and her boyfriend Sonny. She likes her men to have a big booty!

So I can now ENJOY rainy days. Yesterday I stayed inside curled up on my couch with my 2 lovebugs watching Clash of the Titans. I love Greek mythology so it was a great day to get lost in a long action packed movie.

Today I caught up with my little cousin Kayla. She is 18 years old, just moved to LA a little over a year ago and is so cute and sweet. She seems like a great girl with a bright head on her shoulders and really has a lot going for her. I hope that maybe I could prove to be a good influence for her. I'm about 7 years her senior, and I feel like I have lived a lot of life from the age of 18 to 25. Who knows? Maybe she can learn from my mistakes.

But that defeats the purpose of learning by doing.....

Sometimes we have to fail at certain things, certain relationships, certain life lessons to really understand who we are. I have a great support system so I know that no matter what I try, I will always have family and friends who will help me back up if I fall. And likewise, I hope ALL my friends and family know that I will always be there for them. I have learned to curb the judgmental part of me and accept my friends/family for who they are. All I want for all of you out there is joy and happiness in your life. No matter where this life takes you, be happy in doing it. You only have this one chance at it, make the most of it. Live life to the fullest, never settle for less than you deserve. Don't regret anything, because our life experience make us better people and we grow from them.

I love you all and I wish you lots of happiness and love today. Just because it is cloudy outside, dont' let it get you down. Just know that sometimes there will be cloudy days, but we can't appreciate the bright sunny days unless we have a few clouds here and there.

I know this is a different post then you are all used to. But I am so happy here. And by "here" i mean LA, and in this particular stage of my life. I hope you all feel this happy as much as you can. I think everyone deserves it!

XOXO,

Amy


Miss you Daisy girl!

Not settled in yet....but getting there

Well, I finally am in my new apartment. As my friend Kara said to me during the heatwave " You are so hot you made LA break all heat records!" Needless to say, I have been sweating my booty off! I moved in on Sunday the 26th and the numbers I saw on my car thermometer were staggering. AS I was driving through Woodland Hills, the numbers crept up to 115. I felt so bad for all the guys who helped me move, because they were drenched in sweat. And of course, my apartment has no AC. I mean who would have thought it would get this hot right next to the ocean?


I took this photo on Monday as I was driving to ( or from, I was so delirious from the heat I don't know whether I was coming or going anymore) Bed Bath and Beyond.

But I do know that i spent a RIDICULOUS amount of money on a fan at BB&B but it was so worth it! Here is the fan that cost me a fortune



But alas we are here, it is still hot but not as hot as it was. Today has been in the low 90's, high 80's. I waited around most of the morning for the cable guy and he didn't do all that he was supposed to, but honestly, i felt so weird without internet access. I mean, I move to this new place where I know some great people, but how did people keep in touch without the invention of SKYPE, Facebook, blogs, text messaging, etc? I mean, it hardly feels like I am that far away from home, but it makes so much more sense why it was so much harder 8 years ago when I tried to leave home to live in San Diego.

For those of you wondering about Tucker and Max, they are doing as well as can be expected. Max is amazing at these changes. The way I figure it, as long as he is with me, he is fine. Whether that be LA, NYC, AG, or China, my dog will adapt as long as he is with his "momma". As for Tucker, well it was rough on him in the beginning. It is still kinda rough on him. He isn't used to having to go #2 on walks, not having access to outside, it being 1,000 degrees and more. It is harder on him and I realize that. It's hard for me too. But he is doing ok.



I know he misses his "Grandma" though. And of course, he misses all of the people from home who love him! You know who you are!

Well, I guess I better get going. I will have lots more to report on in the upcoming days now that my computer is working.

Next time, I'll tell you all about what is coming up for regarding work! Yay!

Till we meet again!

New life, new passions, same Amy

Let me start out by saying, makeup school was amazing!

I was totally nervous before I started school. I wasn't sure how many people would be in my class, if I would be any good at it, if everyone was gonna kick my ass at doing makeup. But NONE of those things happened. First I met all the girls before class started.

Jeannie: totally outgoing and vivacious LA girl. This girl has had SO many outlandish adventures in her life already, and she is only 21. She is sweet and cute as a button and I look forward to possibly hanging and working with her more once I get down to LA permanently.

This is Sydney. Shy, quiet, gorgeous. She was so mature, I naturally assumed she was at least 22 or 23. She was just a BABY though. Sydney is 18 and from Florida and is a GENUIS at applying eye makeup. Honestly, I could really learn a lot from her. It was fun to see her go from shy and quiet to more outgoing as the week wore on.

Last but certainly not least, my home girl Meaghan from Boston: This girl was like my soul mate makeup sister. I knew the minute we started talking that I was gonna like her. She had rad black hair with these awesome purple streaks in it. It was the first time that I have ever wanted to get crazy streaks like that in my hair. She was funny and sarcastic. We spent a lot of time together over the last 7 days and it really made me sad on Sunday when we realized that we had to go our seperate ways. But we already have plans for me to go to Boston to see her and for her to come here in LA in December. YAY!

Us with our brilliant teacher Amy Ward outside shooting models on location

Our teacher, Amy Ward, was amazing and I know that I learned so much from her. She even offered me a part time job once I get down there to help her with assistant work, especially with computers because she needs help there! And I am hoping to glean more knowledge about makeup and the industry from her. But I won't be stopping there, I plan on hustling out there. I've never been a hustler, but you can guarantee that with my upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor, I WILL make it. It will be a rough road, but a road that needs to be travelled.

Many of you know, I struggled losing 10 lbs recently. But just so you all know, due to the presence of places like Yummy Cupcakes, I found them all. Joy. But with all the stress of moving, the loading and unloading boxes, and by running again, I know they will come off. DAMN YOU YUMMY CUPCAKES!!!!!!
Us girls with our models Ruben and Sara on our last day of class. I would be punished if I did not tell you all that the curly haired girl Jeannie, that is NOT her real hair. But it looks damn good on her!
Here we all are, trying to squeeze in as many photos as we can before we all go our seperate ways :(



This was during out Special Effects class. I had a nice black eye, busted lip and bloody scratches. It was AWESOME! I loved this part of class. So anyone out there wanting some cool costume this year for Halloween, holler at me for your makeup (That goes for anyone who wants to be pretty/slutty/drag queen/ etc)

Here we all are, posing as dead. Check out our expressions. Some days, I literally felt this way. But then again, there are some days where we all feel a little like this right?



So there you all have it, my very first blog post. It was rough, but they will get better. And trust me, my life is sometimes a comedy, sometimes a tragedy, but it's my life and I wouldn't have it any other way!